Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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