Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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