I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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