If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
