I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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