Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
