Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
