I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
