So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
