You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize