I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my shit smells like andre
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
