he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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