i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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