i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
