I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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