i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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