coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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