im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
