I looked at my own cervix.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
