I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize