Porn is love you can see.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
