did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize