is your mom at the bar?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
