I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
