Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
