thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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