Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
