Betty ford says i'm here all night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
