WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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