I will die if light touches me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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