If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
