i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
