we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
