got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
