i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
