this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
