i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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