We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
