Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
