Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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