this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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