There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
