Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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