wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
