I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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