This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
