I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
