I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
