Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
