just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Still dying that you shit outside
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize