So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
