Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
