someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
