you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
