I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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