Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
