if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
