im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
