I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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