Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
