To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
