Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
