end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
