You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize