Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
