McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
