I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
