I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
