i would punch a child for taco bell
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize