I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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